In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He aproached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why yes, I do know you Mr. Wiiliams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. Hecan't build a nomal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mentions, he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

He he he...

I was at my NH neighbor's yesterday, checked out his HT additions including new Atmos height speakers, seat vibrators activated via LFE, two more subs.. As we were walking out of his theater, replete with self dimming lights, recliners, my better half half kiddingly said something like "Now don't go getting any ideas for more projects".

I wonder what she meant? Now, where is the.nearest florist anyway??

Rick

A NEWFIE NAMED BOB IS DRIVING HOME AFTER DOWNING A FEW AT THE LOCAL PUB.
HE TURNS THE CORNER AND SEES A TREE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.
HE SWERVES TO AVOID IT. HE REALIZES THERE'S ANOTHER DIRECTLY IN HIS PATH!

HE DISCOVERS HIS DRIVE HOME IS CAUSING HIM TO VEER FROM SIDE TO SIDE TO AVOID ALL THE TREES.
MOMENTS LATER HE HEARS A POLICE SIREN
AND STOPS HIS CAR.

THE OFFICER APPROACHES HIS CAR AND ASKS HIM WHAT ON EARTH IS HE DOING. BOB STARTS TO TELL THE STORY OF THE TREES ON THE ROAD.
THE OFFICER STOPS HIM IN MID-SENTENCE AND SAYS...
"FER CHRISE SAKES, BOB, THAT'S YER AIR FRESHENER!"

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get some dinner."

Surround (TV) Sound...what ever works.